Turning down MR.PERFECT

Posted: March 11, 2010 in randomz
mr perfectI had him. And I pushed him away.

I moved to  city for an internship a few months ago, completely unattached for the first time in what felt like forever. I was so happy to be living totally independent on earth and ready to have the best time of my life. I didn’t come to the city looking for anyone or anything, just to experience city life in it’s fullest. I had no intention of dating. In fact, after the year i’d, it was the last thing on my mind.

Of course, it’s always when you’re not looking that you find someone.

He was ideal in every way. Ivy league grad, held a great job, sweet, very athletic, great looking and he even liked decent music. Not to mention he took me out on real dates (not just guest swiping me into a dining hall), tried to kiss me in public, held my hand… he did everything right. Hell, he even extended his texting plan because I told him I preferred texting to phone calls.

But no matter what, I just couldn’t put my guard down. I flinched when he tried to kiss me in front of people and cringed when he started referring to us as “in a relationship.” I was still single on Facebook; didn’t that mean anything?

The more time we spent together, the further I pulled away. Maybe it was a function of our age difference, but I started to question if there was something wrong with me. I liked spending time with him and everything, but I wasn’t ready to be his girlfriend. After all the a-holes I’d been with who cheated on me, lied to me, used and under-appreciated me, you’d think I’d be jumping for joy for this guy. On the contrary, I was terrified. I didn’t and do not want a boyfriend and I’m not interested in experiencing committal at age 22. Words like “girlfriend” and “relationship” strike fear into my heart.

A few months of dating and he began to notice that I wasn’t breaking down and tried to convince me to be more “mushy.” I’m not mushy. I’m a sweet girl, I laugh and smile a lot. I love hugging people and I enjoy doing nice things. However, I’m far from romantic at this juncture in my life. Even the flowers he got me made me barf a little in my mouth.  He continued to refer to us being “in a relationship” and implying that we were boyfriend/girlfriend.

Finally, after realizing that I was simply leading this poor guy on, we had the talk. And it was weird. Not only because we did it at my favorite bar while sipping on overpriced martinis (that he paid for), but because it was total role reversal. I was telling him things that guys normally tell girls when they want them to stop being clingy or assume that they’re girlfriend material. I told him I wasn’t ready for a commitment, I wasn’t looking to be a girlfriend and I wanted to slow down and maybe make things on a more “as needed” basis. You know, the “we can still be friends…I’m emotionally challenged” speech. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, lord knows I have.

He said he wanted to think about it, that he wasn’t sure if a laid back thing was in his best interests. He left me a note in the morning on my bed (yes, I stupidly brought him home with me…) detailing that “dating without romance doesn’t come naturally to me” and that he was more interested in a relationship. Goodbye. Good luck. Etc.

And there I was, alone in my bed, totally confused.

Did I seriously just end things with an awesome guy just because he wanted to be romantic and be my boyfriend? Isn’t that what I’ve always wanted – someone who liked me and wasn’t afraid of showing it?

What’s wrong with me? How could I pass up something great? Am I shell-shocked from the ghost of relationships past? Am I destined to die completely alone (not even as a crazy cat lady because I just hate cats way too much)? Did I just pass on the last good guy on earth? And what do I do now?

How do I fix this?

  1. Anonymous says:

    May b u still lov ur ex.. may b d guilt was eating u up, that u were with someone with whom u couldn’t make it upto.. or may b u feared things falling into right place so smoothly..

    • isneha says:

      first of all my x is my past and i dont have any feeligs for him,xcpt hatred.
      secondly, i havnt done anything for which i should feel guilty
      and last but not the least this is not a real life post so dont try to relate it whoever you are !

  2. Prachita says:

    4m whr u gt dis post lol

  3. Anonymous says:

    kk, well, i ws kind of relating your last two posts.
    keep blogging !

  4. anbu says:

    nice imagination.. and somehow, i can’t understand as to why the girl is ‘confused’ !
    hope you got what i meant.. 🙂

  5. Prachita says:

    d pic is!

  6. isneha says:

    she is not confused but scared.

  7. Raj M says:

    Hi there. Yes, you did pass on a great guy. How many guys do you come across generally who are looking to get into serious relationship compared to the number of guys who are out there to fuck around?!

    “How do you fix it?”

    Well, if you are not ready to be his girlfriend, there really ain’t no point trying to fix it because that will do no good; it will just end up hurting him more, which I think you wouldn’t want to happen. If you have changed your mind and are ready to get into a relationship, go and talk it out with him. Now it all depends on the other person. Some people after getting rejected have ego problems and stuff, if you know what I mean while some people are understanding enough to understand your point and accept you.

    P.S When I say “you”, I don’t mean you, Sneha. I am talking about the girl mentioned in your post. 😛

    • isneha says:

      thanks for the comment first of all. its feel to good to see that someone really take your imagination so seriously and bothers to type such a long reply !
      from your comments it seems that my post tugged out some of your painfull past memories. anyway..i am sure any such girls who have done the same would think twice before daring such an attempt on any guy(obviously if they read this post!)
      keep visiting anyway ! 🙂

      • Raj M says:

        WHAT?! LOL. :)) It has got nothing to do with my past. I always like to get into discussions like these. I do this quite often on Orkut as well. Your post caught my attention, so just thought I would write a comment. Anyway, you write well. I’ll keep visiting and if something catches my attention again, I will post a longass reply again. [:P]

      • isneha says:

        ha ha ! ok thanks anyway 🙂

  8. Raj M says:

    Oh, BTW, I don’t like reading blogs and stuff. I came across this one randomly..decided to check out a few posts. This one caught my attention. Nice one. 😉

  9. JL says:

    In this world, there will be guys who use you, so I can understand what you mean by ‘being afraid of a relationship’, but if you don’t step out of your comfort zone, there may be the chance that you’ll never meet anyone at all.

    Of course, what makes Mr. Right is also that he understands you; that he is willing to wait for you. So if this guy ‘sweet guy’ doesn’t think a few months of waiting for you is worth it, then he isn’t Mr. Right.

    • isneha says:

      yep JL i very well understand that its very important for one to step out of our comfort zone and try the unknown. but what if a person doesn’t wants to take any risk?!! the same with this girl.. she is pretty happy living her life alone , independent and most importantly happy . she won’t be looking for any
      Mr. right in future. she is satisfied with whatever she has in life.
      thanks for the botheration anyway.
      keep reading 🙂

      regards ~ Sneha

      • JL says:

        In that case, it’s fine to be alone. That’s actually my situation, lol; I’m best off single and free to travel for my entire life. I don’t date at all, though, because it wouldn’t be fair to the other person. Anyways, good luck!

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